“Am I fat Mummy?”
This was the question my 8yo asked me after her jazz class. I was at a loss for words and I admit, really angry at the thought someone had called her fat. After a moment I asked her the question “Who told you that you are fat?”
No-one she replied.
I have done some things very badly as a mother but I know I have done this one thing right. Despite my many body issues, which were passed down via my mother’s unhappiness with her own body, I have NEVER talked about my body negatively in front of her. I have never talked about needing to lose weight, about diets and food is either “nutritious” or not nutritious”.
I have never hidden my body and she calls me “super cuddly”. She has seen me exercise and eat wholesome nutritious food. She has also seen me eat chocolate and drink wine.
We have talked about her body as strong and good at dancing and drawing. We call her beautiful, as that’s what she needs to hear as well, but we have focused on her worth beyond her looks.
Society came calling. And my little girl asked me if I thought she was fat.
I asked her if she thought fat was bad. “No” she replied. We talked about the different sizes people come in and that all sizes are beautiful. I mentioned her friends that are larger and smaller and how despite their differing sizes, their bodies can still climb the monkey bars, eat lunch and say kind things. Her friends are all beautiful little girls and their differences make them special and unique.
I told her I was a little bit fat and a little bit skinny at the same time. She told me I was just right. And so I told her that she was just right. And her friends were just right too.
I tried but I am not sure that’s enough. I can’t be there when a friend tells her she is trying to lose weight or that she is fat. I can’t protect her innocent eyes from the airbrushed images we are bombarded with.
I am a little bit angry too.
I think I have done a great job within our home and yet she considers her body and wonders “Am I fat?” At eight years old! How on earth do we protect our innocent girls in our society so we can grow amazing women who think they are just right? Fat or thin who cares, THEY need to believe that they are just right. It starts in the mind and by building resilience.
For me this starts with mindset and self talk. If we can strengthen self esteem and resilience it’s like protective armour. I have ordered a couple of books to read at night and will be anchoring this with oils in her diffuser. Essential oils are are incredible anchors as our sense of smell is the strongest and most primitive sense. When we use smell during mindset or emotional work, it becomes a scent memory. When we have completed the mindset work and are in the middle of daily life we can take ourselves back to the moment of breakthrough by using the specific scent memory.
What oils can we use?
Grapefruit is the obvious choice as it’s the oil of Honouring the Body. Grapefruit teaches true respect and appreciate for the physical body. I am pairing this with Bergamot, the oil of Self Acceptance. Bergamot helps to support self-acceptance and self-love. This is a powerful duo but as citrus oils are photo-sensitive, this will be a diffuser blend at night only.
I have made her a little roller ball of Clary Sage and Geranium. They smell gorgeous and floral but have incredible emotional properties. Clary Sage is the oil of clarity and vision and will help her see the truth of the matter. That she is beautiful just the way she is. Geranium is the oil of Love and Trust which is a gorgeous compliment to Clary Sage. Geranium heals the heart and fosters trust.
As we read books together and talk through thinking about her body differently, the diffuser is on. And she has her little roller ball in her hands. Her scent memories are in place and will be a powerful ally when she feels less positively about her body. If course oils are one small part of the whole and this will be an ongoing journey, but they are important anchors for whatever we do.
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